13 - The Spirit of God!
The fear. It was like a cloud, so black and so frightening. I was paralyzed, I couldn’t move; I just wanted to run and and scream but couldn’t. This…..in response to my question: “God, what is the answer?” To refresh your memory, check out the event described in “1 – God, what is the answer?“
From that beginning two years ago began a journey in which I fought this thing, the fear, while looking for an answer to rid myself of it. Truth is, this experience was a blessing in that it gave me a very strong incentive, a very strong motivation, to seek and to find God. And it became a journey of discovery as, while seeking, I discovered the reality of God. God’s answer to my question, “God what is the answer?”, was to set in motion a sequence of events to make me aware of his reality. The fear was the tool He utilized to do so. Without any forewarning, in an instant of time, my fight to overcome the fear ended and this is the story of how it happened.
It occurred during a two-week field exercise shortly before I shipped over to Viet Nam with the 516th Personnel Services Company. As it happened, our squad had retired to our tents and settled into our cots for the night when this thing, this problem of the fear, showed up. But this time, something happened; it was different. As the fear began to enter into my mind, instead of cowering in fear again, I found myself stirred up and said (to myself and addressing the fear of course) “Alright, I am tired of this. You just come on, I am ready for you, and am going to fight.” Where did that come from?
This thing, the problem of the fear, stopped and backed off (I could see it in my mind’s eye) and would not come forward to fight. Amazing. It has been almost 53 years since that event and this enemy, this fear, has troubled me no more. That night represented the end of almost two years of a constant struggle that stretched me to my limit and threatened my very sanity. But was it through my own strength of mind that I overcame this thing or was it something else? The answer came the next day.
It was at lunch time the next day that I found myself in line outside the mess hall waiting to go in. I was not really thinking of anything in particular but was vaguely aware of three or four GIs in line behind me who were engaged in a contest to see who could throw a rock the closest to the bottom of a utility pole about 150 feet away. I did not know them and was not interested in what they were doing.
The next thing I knew, without thinking, I found myself reaching down, grabbing a rock, and throwing it as high as I could without aiming and without looking at the utility pole. Amazingly, as the rock traveled through the air, I found myself in control of it and adjusted its course so that it would hit the base of the utility pole. But as it traveled, I had the thought that the other GIs, who were watching, would become scared, and and made a decision to change the course of the rock so that it would hit the ground about a foot away from the base of the pole. When the rock landed, as I wanted, the other GIs around me were astounded and began making comments like “Did you see that?” and were looking at me. I turned back around and got back in line. They stopped the game, got back in line, and quit talking.
Clearly something was going on, but what? It was at that point that I realized that God was showing me, through the event with the rock, that it was He, who was in control, who had intervened and given me the determination, the strength, and the wherewithal to stand against and repel the fear the night before. Well, time goes on and it was not long after that I found myself on board a troop ship with the 516th Personnel Services Company heading for Viet Nam. It was in Viet Nam that the reality of Jesus and what He had done for us became real to me. Check out the next page: “14 – The Blood of Jesus: the Chaplain, the dream, and the GI!”, to learn what happened.
Notes
So what happened?
The most significant and obvious thing to me was that from that moment forward the problem of the paralysing fear was gone; it has never returned. A similarly important fact, was that through the demonstration of the rock, God was providing a clear demonstration of his involvement in my life; reflecting that through me he could act to accomplish things not normally possible should he choose to do so. The underlying message behind the demonstration with the rock, occurring as it did following the defeat of the fear the night before, was that it was God, acting through me, who defeated the fear (and, by association, it was God who orchestrated its first appearance).
Although I attribute these things to God, the question comes to mind as to who, exactly, was working through me at the time I rejected the fear and during the demonstration of the rock. The most logical explanation, to me anyway, is that since I was directly controlling the rock, it was not God himself. Similarly, since I was directly controlling the rock, it was not Jesus himself. My takeaway is that it was the Spirit of God working through me; a takeaway that is supported by the scriptures below.
My takeaway is that the Spirit of God is real and can move us to action even when we do not recognize that it is He doing so. Another takeaway is that the Spirit of God can do some amazing things through us when He so chooses. This was a most unusual experience….but as you walk with me through the following experiences of my life, you will discover that this was not the only time that God intervened in such a direct way in my life.
Some scriptural references
Psalm 18:39 (KJV) “For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle; thou has subdued under me those that rose up against me”
1 Samuel 16:13 and 1 Samuel 17: 34-36 (KJV) Speaking of the David and the Spirit of the Lord “Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the Lord came upon David from that day forward.” Examples of the Spirit of the lord acting through David are the following: “And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father’s sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear and took a lamb out of the flock: And I went out after him, and smote him, and delivered it out of his mouth, and when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard, and smote him, and slew him. Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God.” Note: The philistine was Goliath, the giant, that David slew.
2 Kings 6:4-6 (KJV) The Spirit of the Lord acting through Elisha the prophet “So he went with them. They came to the Jordan River and began to cut down trees. As one of them was cutting down a tree, the ax head fell into the water. He cried out, “oh no, master! It was borrowed!” The man of God asked, “Where did it fall?” When he showed Elisha the place, Elisha cut off a piece of wood. He threw it into the water at that place and made the ax head float. Elisha said, “Pick it up.” The disciple reached for it and picked it up.”
Judges 14:6 (KJV) The Spirit of the Lord acting through Samson “And the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him, and he rent him as he would have rent a kid, and he had nothing in his hand….” Note: Speaking of Samson fighting a lion with his bare hands.
Matthew 12:28 (KJV) The Spirit of God acting through Jesus “But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you.” Note: Jesus speaking of his casting out demons